Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Getting Close!!!

Sooo the final semester of school has clearly not gone the way it was supposed to. Accounting has been a real bitch..apparently it has been too long since my last accounting class. I am riding a 75.39 percent right now..perhaps my lowest grade EVER in college (except for the one I failed for partying too much). Point is, I am an A student...a B at the least. Two classes left after tomorrow. Just want to be done at this point.

Tomorrow is the one month anniversar of my grandmother passing away. I can't believe it's been a month already...It is just no easier than it was since the downward process started. I know she is much better off with God and the rest of her family that went before her...and Grandpa. It just hurts and it's impossible to believe how much things have changed in the last three months. I am praying our family stays strong through this and stays together...because I truly think that's what grandma would want. Every time we pass a cemetary MJ asks if that's where Grandma Doane is. Then she's reminded that she is gone and it makes her upset. One of the hardest parts of all of this has been trying to help her understand...though she has definately done her share to help me by reminding me that "grandma is always in my heart". And she is.

Never went and did the ultrasound. That is right when life started to get crazy and it honestly slipped my mind. It doesn't feel any different to me though, so I will def go back this summer just for the check.

We moved right in the middle of grandma being in the hospital and being real sick. I do love the new apt though! I wish it was an apt where there were no other people sometimes, but the neighbors really aren't bad for the most part. Last Friday at 1230a I had to go up stairs and ask the young kid (he's like 24) to quiet down a little and that was surpisingly hard for me. Usually I am a real bully:) I do like the house though...no complaints yet;)

I am currently looking for a second job to do just on the nights/times when MJ is gone w/ her dad. I am hoping just to make some extra money so things aren't so time. I don't really want to work, but I'll do what needs to be done for the time-being.

MJ turned 5 yesterday. Yep, 5. IT IS INSANELY difficult to believe. Looking back on the past 5 years--almost 6 really...I wonder if a lot of the decisions I made were the right ones. I still wonder if I am making the right ones. I may never know..but looking back, I wouldn't change anything. I am really proud of who MJ is and who she is becoming. She isn't perfect-but I don't know a kid that is. I love her more than anything and I am going to do whatever it takes to make her happy!

Keep my friend (and her family) in mind who lost her mother a couple of weeks ago, unexpectedly. I am keeping them all in my thoughts and prayers during what must be a really difficult time. I know what I have seen my mom go through, so I can only imagine the pain she and her sisters feel. Mom shape us into who we are and these three young ladies are very awesome and their mom is definately proud of them.

Prayers for the following (short list): Sam-about to make it through her first year..only two and a half more and then I can have another niece/nephew! Kristine-her oldest is about to graduate from HS and get ready for college:) Jessie-I love you..You are a strong woman! My family-that we can all enjoy easter and be merry together. Terp-for pink eye to go away quick and a great time in Mexico. MJ-that she stops acting 5 when she's bad!

Monday, January 24, 2011

So close..yet so far, far away!

First day back to school. Rough. Yes, it can be described in one short, meaningful word.

Just as my stress level was returning to normal from a few issues...today was a big ol' knock backwards.  I thought instead of focusing on some of the mountain of homework I have to do, I would take a few minutes and try to de-stress some.  I'm a quick typer:)

So, to the beginning. Better to make this part quick and relatively painless. I have put myself through an emotional rollercoaster over the last month and a half.  Early December, I found some sort of a lump in my side--not on my skin, IN my side.  Scary. So, I listen to the doctor and monitor it for about 5 weeks. No change, so I go in--yes, it's definitely there she says. Most likely a benign fatty tumor. Fantastic! So, we do an ultrasound, and while the results come back ok-'we don't see anything abnormal-nothing cancerous'...the answers I get aren't quite what I need to hear.  Long story short, I'm going back in 6 weeks just to make sure we are seeing what we need to see and not missing anything.  My goal for the next 5 1/2 weeks: Not to think about it.  It puts me into a downward spiral of worrisome that I literally cannot deal w/. So, as my fantastic Mother says..compartamentalize the stress of that into a 'nothing you can do, wait to worry' box.

Onto a more fascinating subject...this MBA may yet be the death of me.  Tonight was stressful and while I really do enjoy the material we discuss...I have officially no freetime for the next few weeks.  Overload is not the word to describe how I feel, but we'll make it due for all intensive purposes.  Wish me luck...and sanity:)

Poor MJ is sick again.  Going to keep praying that this will be the last of it for this sickly season..but no holding my breath.  Good--but sad news--I have come to the realization over the past week that MJ is going to be FIVE in three months and in kindergarten in the fall. Yes, this scares me. A) Because I have no idea where the last five years has gone, and B) Because she will be at school all day, five days of the week and is slowly starting not to need me anymore!! Haha!!

Looking forward to my Pampered Chef/Scentsy party this weekend..and having my sister and my niece/nephew here for some fun and dinner to celebrate Stacy's birthday! And I get to have my baby home two weekends in a row.  While I miss having time w/ my friends on the weekends...I do love my mama and MJ time!!

I feel a little better now..we'll see how tomorrow goes:)

Thursday, January 6, 2011

A New Year...Truly to be unlike no other

Sooo...gonna try this blogging thing.  A couple of my good friends have started this and I love reading theirs...so my hope is that someone else, even if it's only one person..will be touched at some point like I have been by theirs.  The New Year has started a little rocky...so I'm going to pretend that next week is the beginning of the New Year! 

We ended 2010 w/ finally breaking down and having tubes put in MJ's ears again and taking out her adenoid.  Felt this was the best option for her at this point...she has been so on/off sick for a few months that it breaks my heart for her to always be on medicine and to feel icky.  I truly feel like this is going to help her out!  Started 2011 with many of the people that are my greatest friends....and then w/ strep, rt ear infection, and some mycloplasma.  As I write this, I am laid up at home waiting for my throat to stop burning and my chest to relax a little.  CONFIDENT I will be feeling much better tomorrow.

No New Year's Resolutions this year.  Who ever truly keeps those things anyway?  I did, however, do a short list of stuff I would love to work on/accomplish this year.  Not that these are the only things, just the most important.  Here goes...
  • Be a Better Mom.  Not that I am a bad mom now.  I want to be more patient, more creative, and do more 'fun' stuff together rather than 'worrying' about all of the things on my to do list.  One of my greatest downfalls/greatest things as a mom and as a person is that I am SOOO organized, almost to a fault. I don't want to stop being organized-obviously-but just to find someway to balance it all.
  • Eat better. Totally cliche, but I am convinced that this could affect multiple parts of our lives: my health and MJ's health, finances, more energy...you get the drift. This could be hard because I am always on the go, but I know we can do it together.
  • Keep in touch more often w/ friends that don't live here anymore...and those who do;) I don't want to blame school for becoming so out of touch all of the time..but, since I started my MBA a year and a half ago, I have taken on so much that my social life has really taken a hit. 
  • Do things to make myself happier...which will affect MJ too:) Last year, I went through some tough times and convinced myself it was time to turn things around.  I am super proud to say that I have taken on a more positive persona and am pretty pleased with the results.  Sure, I am still stressed and a worrier...but maybe just not on such a HUGE scale anymore.
  • GRADUATE! This will be the easiest (HA!) one, but something I am incredibly proud of.  I don't know many people that actually have their MBA's and to accomplish this while working full-time and being a single mother (to the most awesome girl in the world!), is a huge feat for me.  Get ready to party...once we go back from break, I have 14 weeks of classes left. Yep, right before my birthday I will finish class and graduate a couple of weeks later. 
One of my favorite parts of my girls' blogs is their list of prayers...so...
  • To the gentleman with the amazing radio voice who has been all over the news and YouTube...You have a God-given talent and I truly hope that you are able to turn your life around and become something you are proud of.
  • My family..ALL of them. We all have different things going on and need thoughts/prayers for different reasons. SO, while I won't name all of you individually, know you are all very important to me and MJ and we love you all dearly.
  • The Republicans we have elected to represent the people. You cannot realistically repeal the entire helath care reform bill. Let's focus on our future--not dwell on the past. If there are parts/pieces you truly feel you have a better idea for..then, by all means.  BUT, please remember that you are to voice the people's concerns/needs/wants...and if in two years, you have yet to accomplish anything but to repeal everything Obama has done...and we still sit in an economic recession, the American people are surely to be pissed. (And that's my soap box for today....)
  • My friends. I don't want to target anyone in particular on this first blog..but, there is so much going on and we don't see each other nearly enough. You all know, if you need to talk, I'm here to listen and to love you more!
  • I will name one special couple to me...The Pohlman's!!  They announced some amazing news this past week and I am so happy for them and know that they will be great parents and while it will surely be a long spring/summer..you will have a wonderful baby to be blessed with when July gets here!!
Hope I didn't bore you all too much!  It was a great little outlet though...so more to come;)